Don’t Worry, This Will Feel Great.

Okay, I’ve been fairly quiet lately as I’ve been working really hard on multiple things, but sometimes things get under my skin and lately I’ve run into this very subject a few times and I’m going to rant for a few minutes on this. Why is it that some women who are writing gay romance/erotica think consent isn’t necessary when it’s two men? Since when does “I’m not sure about this” become “Please fuck me”? For some reason it a man is uncertain about having sex, all he needs is a little bit of lube, or another beer and everything’s great. Wait a minute…NO! If there’s a hot guy at the nude beach or the gym shower room and he just happens to bend over to pick up something it’s an invitation to every other hot guy near him that his ass is open for business…NO! If there’s a straight guy who accepts a kiss and then pulls back, going “I don’t know about this” a polite man, a good man, will stop and they can spend some time talking, maybe going out to dinner, a self-centered ass (who in some of these cases is the main character of the story) will press things and force himself on the other guy who afterwards beams about how wonderful it all felt…NO!
If any of these scenarios happened in a straight romance the MC would be declared a cad at the least and or up on rape charges. Why do we have a double standard? This kind of behavior isn’t acceptable under any circumstances. Not all men are just out for sex. Some of us want to get to know the person we’re having sex with before we get too intimate. Being slammed up against a tree, shower stall, forced face down on a beach towel, that isn’t make love, even if it is consensual, it’s still just sex, or a fuck, or whatever you want to call it other than making love. Truly making love means you love the person you’re with, it doesn’t mean you’re just getting off. A trick is a trick. A fuck is a fuck. Making love means you’re trying to make each other feel good. It also means you actually care about the guy you’re with.
I hear a lot of complaints about the male dominated rape culture we live in. I think the idea that a woman is subservient to a man is ludicrous. If it weren’t for women, men wouldn’t exist. But with these stories, women are saying that it’s okay for them to have fantasies about men enduring what is essentially rape. Not cool. Is it possible for men to have non-emotional sex? Sure, happens all the time, but when you’re writing about that, make sure things don’t come across as non-consensual. Make sure the character’s motivation is clear to the reader and the person they’re having sex with. I hope the age of men not talking about their desires before having sex is over. Let your characters talk before sex and have both be totally comfortable with it before just plowing in. Don’t write anything that seems forceful and pushy, it doesn’t look good on you as the writer or on your characters, who you want your readers to like. Having anal sex for the first time when you’re uncertain isn’t like eating peas for the first time. It’s going to hurt, maybe a lot. There needs to be kissing, talking and sweetness involved. I don’t understand people’s motivation for these rapey scenes. If you don’t understand that gay men, or even men as a whole, have feelings and don’t like to be forced into something they are unsure of (just like you wouldn’t want to be forced into something similar) then please stop writing. There’s enough competition out there and we don’t need this crap filling the digital shelves.
I realize there’s a lot of change going on in our world, and there’s a lot of things that don’t have as much meaning as they used to, but when LOVE loses it’s real meaning, we’re totally screwed. Making love should be kind, LOVING, and passionate, not just an act of carnal animal lust. If that is all it is, maybe we should just rename it, making lust, but even then make sure your characters get clear permission to do what they’re doing. Permission is everything, and no, it won’t feel great when we’re done if everyone isn’t on board 100%.